This post was written by Jeff of deTheos. Jeff is married to Kari and they have a son, Dutch. Jeff is currently attending Multnomah Biblical Seminary.

This year marks five years of marriage for my wife Kari and I; and three years in seminary, as students together. We have enjoyed every season of it, yet at times the various schedules of work and seminary life have collided to create a holy anticipation of rest.

Last summer we moved closer to school and family (in with Kari’s parents for a season), while I commuted 90 minutes each way to work. The plan was to leave my career in construction management in mid-August, allowing for a week or two of rest before Fall semester. But after giving five months notice at my job, we entered August without a replacement and no plan for a transition. Wanting to serve my boss and friend well to the very end, I stayed on part-time after Fall classes commenced. Sixteen graduate credits, added to 20-30 hours a week of work, added to being an intern with our church, and oh yeah, being a husband (of a seminary student too) and father. Something had to give. Praise God my part-time duties at my former job only stretched into the semester two months, and we were able to breath a little bit. While I was exhausted, it was probably hardest on Kari and our young son Dutch.

I had been using up every one of the 5,400 seconds during my commute home each night returning calls, processing the stress and strain of the day’s projects, and often listening to part of an audio sermon and worship music. Each night I arrived home emotional spent, and was ready to simply check out for the evening. But Kari and Dutch deserved so much more! He was growing up while I was away each day; Kari was clamoring to hear any news from the outside world (as we lived then and now with her parents). I simply gave her my mental left-overs.

In the middle of this season I read a quote from a book by pastor C.J. Mahaney. In Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God (pp. 49-50), he writes about transitioning one’s soul during the commute home from work. It struck me as powerful, practical, and very effective for being essentially a small thing. Seeking to do this has had great impact on our home life, and it is easy to tell when I haven’t paused and calmed my soul to be “all there” at home after a long day in class or at work. Let’s strive to be better husbands and fathers. Here is Mahaney’s story (emphasis added):

“When our first two children were still quite young, I realized that my commute home in the evening was functioning as little more than a review of my day. As far as I was concerned, by the time I got in that car, my responsibilities were pretty much over until the next morning. I saw my home as a refuge, a place where the emphasis, for me, was on being served rather than on leading and serving with Christlike love.”In God’s mercy, he showed me the selfish motivation I was bringing home each evening. I saw that my commute could be best utilized as a time of transition, so that I might be prepared to finish the day by loving and serving my family well.

“So I made a practice of pulling the car over a few blocks from home so I could take a couple of minutes to make an effective transition in my soul. There on the side of the road, I meditated on Ephesians 5 as well as on some other passages. I confessed to God my sinful tendency to be selfish and sought to prepare my heart to serve my wife and children when I arrived home. In this way I learned to see my home as the context where I have my greatest privilege and opportunity to serve. This practice had a transforming effect, allowing me to walk through the front door with the mind and heart of a loving servant-leader. By God’s grace, I found it an excellent help in building a loving marriage, enjoying my family, and minimizing regret.”

There I find a practical, everyday example of being a selfless husband, rooted in the theology of Christ. Even now when my commute can vary from 10-60 minutes, the last part is best served to calm and transition my soul. That way I am better able to walk in the Spirit home and give Kari and Dutch much more than the left-overs of the day. Praise the Triune God for His patience with us.

This post was written by Terry of Diary of a Seminary Student. Terry is married and has 3 sons. When he’s not blogging on his site, he also writes a weekly post on Said at Southern Seminary. He, as you might guess, is attending Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.

Not only was I honored when Just a Guy asked me if I would like to write a guest post for him, but I think I agreed almost before I thought about what to write. However, as soon as I hit the “send” key, I knew immediately what I was going to write about. I humbly submit the following post about love and marriage to Going to Seminary’s readers.

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
–Proverbs 16:9 (ESV)

When my wife and I began to pray about going to seminary, we came to the conclusion that this is what God definitely had for us. As moving day approached, there were many unresolved questions that we left up to God to resolve. As I look back at last July and August, I see how the above Proverb is so true. We had a plan and we knew what and how it was going to work out. We watched God literally clear the path for us to move to Louisville with our two boys and a third on the way. I watched as God granted Krista an amazing peace about leaving home (the St. Louis area) for the first time in her life.

When we moved in, everything was going well. We had enough time to get our apartment set up and get ready to face a new school year. However, God had other ideas. Ten days after we moved, we were told that the job that was promised to her was not and could not happen. I was unable to find any employment and the whole ministering position never materialized. The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

We didn’t panic. We just found ourselves believing that God had us in Louisville for a particular purpose and that He was going to show His glory for our unbelieving family. From August to November, the only real income we had was my working for a golf course at minimum wage and working for dining services on the campus of the seminary. Even combining both salaries, I was unable to pay our rent for the month.

Krista and I prayed together. We read Scripture together. We sought God together. God answered us by giving her another position at another university doing exactly what she would have been doing—and they were not even looking to hire someone! We watched God provide through the giving from others (Christians and atheists) as He supported us through these months. The heart of man plans his ways, but the Lord establishes his steps.

Now, we have three boys under the age of four. My wife has a full-time job working from home. I am able to work a couple jobs supplementing the rest of what is needed all the while attending seminary full-time. That pastoral position never opened up, but it seems as though God has ever plans for ministry as well.

I give all that background information in order to say that you, husband (seminary student), or you, wife (seminary student) cannot make it on your own. You will need each other now more than ever. What is more, you will need to make sure that Christ is at the center of your marriage. Satan can and will use this time of theological education to wreck any ministry you may have now or in the future.

Husbands, we are charged with the spiritual well-being of our families (Eph. 5 and 6). It is your responsibility to make sure you are taking into account the balance between work, school, and family. Even if it is the wife who is attending seminary, the husband needs to keep all of this in mind. Sometimes it is best to take a C on a paper if it means showing your children that you are there for them.

I realize that some days, there is not enough time in the day to do everything. Currently, I am in the middle of mid-terms and 10-page papers. This is the two stretch of the semester where my wife understands that I need to focus on school work. However, I need to not make an idol of my school work. There is a balance that must be struck, and we are not capable of always maintaining that balance on our own. We need to lean heavily on Christ and our spouse.

Every night, my wife and I sit down with our older sons and we read Bible stories (might I recommend “The Big Picture Bible” and “The Jesus Story Book Bible”). After reading those, we talk about the story and then say prayers. This shows them that Christ is at the center of all we do. It also gives the family a time of worshiping our Lord and Savior outside of church.

My wife and I sit down each night after the two older boys are in bed for a minimum of 15 minutes to do a devotional. Lately, I have been writing them up myself as we read through the Bible together. We decided to just do a chapter of the New Testament each night so that in 240 days, we will have read through the entire New Testament together and have answered a few questions per chapter. The importance of that 15 minutes each night for her and I cannot be explained. It must be experienced.

I do not write these things to show how great a husband I am—believe me, I am a lazy human being. I share this with everyone here in order that they may learn what I learned before God takes away your comfort and forces you to have faith in Him. After all, “The heart of man plans his ways, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

I once had a pastor who had the Rule of 7:

Every 7 days take your wife on a date
Every 7 weeks take your wife on a weekend get-away
Every 7 months take your wife on a week’s vacation

Now, that sounds all good-and-well but my mental calculator (crummy as it may be) added that up to EXPENSIVE.

So, what are we to do? Before I go into how Just a Gal and I do date night, please feel free to comment with your experience. I’d love to hear how you and your significant other date. How often do you get away? What do you do? Do you budget for date night? Is it a regular event on your calendar?

Well, for me and Just a Gal we do a couple things. For one, we have a TV date night once a week. I stop my work and studies and we sit on the couch for an hour or two and watch shows we’ve TiVo’d. Watching shows on TiVo means we can cut commercials and save some time. (For inquiring minds, we mostly watch LA Ink, House, and Iron Chef America) While this is, admittedly, a lame date… it is nice to just relax and kick back with some chocolate chip ice cream and be together.

Second, we go on a real date every 4-6 weeks. We don’t get to do this too often due to $$$. We’ve got Sweet Pea and Little Man, so you can tack on and extra $20-$30 for childcare. On top of that, I really like good food. So, when we do date night, it is all about dinner. Rarely do we go to the movies or do anything else that costs money, instead we dump all the date night funds into the meal. For me, there is something truly wonderful about sitting and enjoying a spectacular meal together with someone you care about. Sure, sharing a meal at your favorite Mexican restaurant is nice, but on these rare times I get to be alone with my wife outside our house it is amazing to be able to sit in a quiet, dimly lit, restaurant as your savor succulent course after course. The beauty is that at a nice restaurant your meal should last an hour or two. So, there you sit, the two of you… simply enjoying being together.

Now, personally I have a rule when we go out to eat and that is, if you want it, get it. The point of the rule is that Just a Gal is the penny pincher in this marriage. So, if we went out to eat without this rule then she’d always end up getting the appetizer portion of a crab cakes or something for her main course… However, I know that deep down she wants the rack of lamb with garlic truffle mashed potatoes and chocolate covered bacon (seriously, that was on the menu on our last date). The logic for the rule is this… is it really fun if you go somewhere and really want something on the menu but then get something you don’t want… just to save some money? You spend the rest of the meal thinking, “I wish I got that thing with the chocolate covered bacon…” So, that is our rule… get the meal you want.

Now, you are probably thinking, what the heck… are you mr. bankroll or something? I can’t afford that.

Well, think through a typical date (or what I assume to be a typical date):

Dinner for 2 plus tip - $40
Movie and popcorn - $30
Coffee and tea - $10
Total = $80 +/-

So, for me and Just a Gal, we nix everything else and dump it all into the meal. We typically spend between $70 and $85 on our date night meal and we ALWAYS have a good time.

Now, I’m not saying that this is for everyone. Your budget and your lifestyle are probably different than ours… heck, you might not even like chocolate covered bacon. But for me (and I think this is the point of the post) is that date night should be special. While in seminary, and the rest of life won’t be much different, your reschedule is busy. Taking time to be together and doing something your really enjoy, sharing it together, is truly important. Don’t neglect it. Don’t forget to go on a date!

So, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this semester and trying to determine how I will know if the semester is a success. Is it a successful semester if I get straight A’s? Is the number of pages I read this semester a measure of success? Is going to class every day an indicator of a good semester?

Well, I’m still working on this list. However, I think this is a really good idea… to sit down and determine what “success” looks like for you this semester. Then, when the semester is over, you can pull out the list and have a good evaluation tool. Also, I think it would be good to review the list from time to time during the semester… to remind you of what is really important and what you are really trying to acomplish.

So, with that said I’ll share some of the items that I’m thinking of putting on my list. PLEASE, feel free to share the items that make your list. (Is there anyone who already does something like this? If so, is it helpful?)

Oh, and I decided to add some general categories for the evaluation questions to fall within.

Questions to determine if this semester in seminary was a success(rough draft):

FAMILY:

• Does Just a Gal feel loved, appreciated, and that you devoted enough time and energy to her and the kids?
• Were you home for dinner most nights?
• Did you pray and read scripture with the family?
• Did you consistently pray for your family?
• Are you paying the bills?

SCHOOL

• Are you more in love with Jesus because of your studies?
• Did you read, with reasonable care, most of your assigned reading?
• Did you maintain a “C” or better in all your classes?
• Do you better understand Genesis - Joshua, its storyline, and its implications on the rest of scripture?
• Do you have a functional grasp of the Hebrew language?
• Do you better understand the book of Hebrews, with specific emphasis on texts that previously confused you?
• Have you been able to transfer what you’ve learned in Hermeneutics into something that is more than mere head knowledge?
• Have you been able to think more clearly about educational ministry within the church?

WORK

• Have you given excellent service to all your clients by providing clear and timely communication?
• Have you met all your promised completion dates?
• Have you found at least 4 sponsors for Going to Seminary?
• Have you wisely spent your open work hours developing and creating your affiliate marketing sites?

CHURCH

• Are you serving the local church?
• Are you involved in a small group and developing meaningful relationships with people?
• Are you praying for those who don’t know Jesus?

HEALTH

• Does Just a Gal still find you sexy?
• Do you eat 3 meals on most days?
• Have you increased your fruit consumption?
• Do you get adequate sleep every night?
• Are you dealing with your stress in a healthy way (or building it up until you blow up)?

SPIRITUAL

• Do love Jesus more and more?
• Are you consistent in your devotions (or are you skipping them to write blog posts like this one)?
• Are you consistently praying?
• Is your walk with Jesus a treasure and delight?

OK, so there is my rough draft. Please feel free to let me know what you think and/or what is (would be) on your list. I really think something like this is good to help remind you of what you value and what is important. Without it I might just end up trying to get straight “A’s” at the expense of all the other items. However, it is the entire list that defines a successful seminary semester.

There is a brief post on the Concordia Blog with some advice for those who have to relocate for seminary.

While not an exhaustive post on the subject, there are some great little pointers in regards to the practicals… Like don’t pack your boxes over 50 pounds and give your current employer your new address so he or she can send you your W2.

The post got me thinking that it might be a good idea to run a couple posts here on the topic of moving (especially since it is so fresh in my mind). Yeah… I think I’ll do that.

Posts on moving and relocation coming soon…

My heart broke today.

I walked into the kitchen to fix some lunch and saw my wife crying… enough said, right?

I walked up and simply held her.

“I’m sad,” she said through her tears. “I miss my friends.”

There wasn’t much to say except that I understood and that I wished I could make things easier… but I can’t. I can simply hold my wife, love her, and pray for God’s grace during this time in our lives.

The fact of the matter is that I’m sad too… Moving is hard, no two ways around it. We’ve left our best friends in the world hundreds of miles away and now we sit in a new house, new town, new church… not much is familiar… no walking into church and looking to your left to see ____ and ____. No knowing that when you go to the coffee shop you’ll likely run into ____. No calling up _____ and _____ to come over for dinner. It is tough.

I’ve spent time today dwelling on the Gospel and reminding myself that my King also had to leave the place he knew, a place he loved… he left the throne of heaven and came to live and die on earth. That has helped… staring at Jesus usually does… but it is still a battle.

I’d be humbled and honored if you could take a moment and say a prayer for my family.

My hope is built
on nothing less
than Jesus blood
and righteousness.

I dare not trust
the sweetest frame
but wholly lean
on Jesus name.

Edward Mote c.1834

Ok, health insurance is a pain in the neck. It is expensive and if you’re not on a company plan it is even more expensive. So, what are you to do?

Well, first thing is to try and land a job that actually provides health insurance. Trick with that one is that most part time gigs don’t offer it. Some do, but most don’t. Then, you need to be careful because those who do offer it, often offer crappy insurance… they get you with “we offer insurance to all employees.” Then you get the policy and realize how crappy it is when you have to jump through every hoop known to man in order to set up a doctors visit.

So, if anyone knows a company that has a good insurance for part-timers, please share the love.

So, assuming you don’t get insurance through your job, what are your options.

Well, I think all seminaries offer some sort of insurance, however, much like the the part time jobs it is often not that great. In fact, my admissions officer was kind enough to answer my question, “does ____ offer health insurance to students?” with brutal honesty. “Yes… but it isn’t very good. You’d probably be better off going with someone else.”

Well, you’re basically left with only a few options. You can contact an insurance sales person. If you go this route, check with your seminary as they might have a connect to a trustworthy representative. However, don’t be lazy. Check with a couple other companies than the one that you’re seminary pointed you to.

A final option that I’ve found helpful is eHealthInsurance. This site compares a bunch of different plans and prices.

At this point Just a Gal and I haven’t decided on what we’re going to go with. I need to contact a local rep in _____. But eHealthInsurance gave us some good results with reasonable deductibles, copays, and doctor visits… with pretty good rates.

Anyone else want to share their insurance wisdom or experience?

My apologies for being absent the past few days. As any seminarian will tell you, life is hectic.

In preparation for our departure for seminary in January, I’ve been working full time at a start-up company in my town helping them with system/process management and optimization; preparing the company for, what I think is, its soon approaching tipping point. While it is a great job and lots of fun, it has been a lot of work. On top of that I’ve been trying to increase my client base for my web development company, as this will be the main bread winner while we are at seminary (at least according to my spreadsheet).

So, every day I get home from work and then… well, go to work. Which I guess is good preparation for seminary. There is no doubt that there will be a lot of work… I guess the upside is that there are no cubes involved. For those of you who’ve ever been trapped in a cube, may I recommend a cubicle freakout (I pretty much sing this theme song every day).

On top of all the work, there is of course the kids and wife. I think a big danger we all face is neglecting our family for the things we think can’t wait… and, lets me honest, there are those of us who hide from our families in our work and school. There are certainly days where it is just easier for me to say I need to get to work (which is true) but in reality I just can’t handle the kids, the mess, and the stress. Now, I’m sure that is just me… good ole sinful me… but anyone feel me on that one?

Well, enough rambling here. Just needed to let you know I’m alive and well. In fact, I’m celebrating my 7th wedding anniversary this weekend and I have a bit of a surprise up my sleeve for my gal (little man and sweetpea are being shipped off and we’re shipping out). So, I’ll be off the next two days, but I hope to post some good stuff on Saturday. Just writing this post has given me some great ideas. I think I’m going to write about some preparatory steps to take when deciding to go to seminary… like figuring out if you can afford it (hint… you probably can’t).

(Also, if you happen to know what squidoo is, then check out the lens I recently created. I mostly created it for SEO purposes. But if your a Squidoo fan, then hook me up with some votes… and while I pathetically asking for some SEO help, please vote for the site at the bloggers choice awards… ok, ok… enough shameless marketing talk…)

While scouring the internet today for more information to help us all on our seminary journeys I stumbled across a great post on tHe Resurgence (not to be confused with theresurgence.com). The post, Advice for Seminary Students with Families (& Full-Time Jobs) give 17 spot-on nuggets of wisdom for the family seminarian. While you should check out Colin’s site, it is so good I’d hate for you to miss it in the case that you don’t want to click the link… so, at length, here are his 17 points:

1. You are not single without children. Your priorities are 1) God, 2) Family, 3) everything else. If you lose your family for your ministerial aspirations, you have lost your qualifications for the ministry.

2. If you need A’s and B’s for possible doctoral studies, take fewer classes rather than upsetting the priority list above. If you were an A student in college, you must get past the idolatry of the grade.

3. You may not always be able to read everything assigned in a class. Be judicious in what you set out to accomplish. Rank the importance of the texts at the beginning of the semester, acquiring the professor’s help if necessary, and start with those. You must be diligent in your reading, even if you are not a quick reader. Nonetheless, set a goal and a corresponding calendar to get all your work completed for each class, having the important texts read in case (err, when) an emergency crops up.

4. Get papers completed early and utilize the Writing Lab (or similar writing/tutoring service if available). Since you may not be able to read the quantity of books a single or non-father student will devour while in seminary, and therefore without the benefit of exposure to as diverse examples writing quality, you must pay attention to edits and critiques of your writing in order to improve.

5. Do not neglect Bible study and devotion times. You may have to change your routine or your devotion time during the day. You must spend time in the Bible to supplement your seminary education. This means that you should not neglect Bible study for an assignment (but neither should you use it as an excuse for not completing something due to poor planning or management).

6. Read wisely. Select your books carefully. Read reviews. Open the book before you read, peruse the bibliography to get a feel for what main sources the author draws from, read the biographical information about the author, note the publisher, and read the last chapter. This will get your mind in tune to the work and ready to glean its significant points. Unfortunately many books in the bookstore today hide significant points within sermon illustrations, anecdotes and useless repetition of nonsense instead of coming right out and saying, “This is my point/thesis, this is what it means, this is why it’s true and this is why its significant.”

7. Keep up with your languages (see this site for help)!! Michael suggests to take them early, and if you want to get done in 3-4 years, you must take them right away. Also, try to group classes (like OT + Hebrew, NT + Greek, Preaching + NT Greek, etc.) and remember many electives usually require more outside study time than core classes. Pick your electives very carefully, especially if you want a concentration.

8. Do not ever, ever decide on a professor based on his soteriology. But try to pick classes based on the professor you want to take. This may mean figuring out a way to take Tuesday and/or Thursday classes, or changing your schedule. Yet never dismiss a professor. God has something for you to learn in every class, and if you think otherwise, you don’t need to be in seminary.

9. Debate other students wisely. Michael’s advice here is spot on- make sure you know what you are talking about and be humble. If you are a Calvinist, try to steer clear of debates on Calvinism. Do not say anyone is “not God-centered.” For all, do not dismiss anyone out of ignorance. Too many who pipe up in class debates on the subject quickly reveal they do not know what is going on. Do not say Reformed Baptist churches should call themselves Presbyterian. Do not call everyone attending non-Reformed churches “man-centered” or “seeker-sensitive.” And don’t discuss soteriology the first time you meet someone.

10. Do not believe what blogs say about seminaries. Once you begin attending, the ignorance of many bloggers is revealed when you see things are directly opposite what they dogmatically claim. If anyone comments on the intellectual level of the faculty, it reveals a biblical-realism disconnect (i.e. an affinity to academy rather than biblical theology).

11. Don’t be loud. Don’t dominate conversations and theological discussion. Do not ask questions every class period, and do not ask multiple questions per class. Everyone in the classroom is paying money to hear the professor.

12. Having obligations such as a professional job and a family will preclude you from fitting in to the “campus crowd.” Expect not to be a favored student. Be careful who you partner with in accountability.

13. Do ministry. Do not fall into the trap that ministry begins after seminary. One example: have people over for dinner often. Ministry does not have to mean teaching a class at your church. In fact, if you are not already on staff somewhere, volunteer for jobs you may never have the chance to do again, like parking duty or cleaning bathrooms.

14. Men, support your family. Don’t be shy about accepting help when offered, even if it is enough to live on. This is God’s provision. However, going into chronic debt is not healthy. Do not put your babies in day care for seminary.

15. Do not neglect family devotion time. Catechize your children. Read through Scripture and doctrine with your wife.

16. Try hard. Seminary is hard work. It is harder than you can imagine. Know this, but determine to do the best you can do (given various circumstances) on every assignment. The rewards are sweet.

17. Exercise. For you husbands who love your wives, buy a jogging stroller (do they make four-seaters?) and take the kids off her hands in the evening while you get some exercise. Give her time alone to do her quiet time, cook, or simply catch her breath. What a great stress reliever for you both! (Thanks SelahV for the reminder)

Brilliant post Collin. You are to be commended!

So, are you married? Does your spouse want to get his or her degree as well? There might be a great opportunity available for you.

Many seminaries offer the spouse of full time students the opportunity to attend the seminary at no charge at all! Now, this is really an amazing offer. The catch is often that the spouse my “audit” classes for free. That just means he or she can sit in on the classes for free. However, there are a few seminaries that will actually offer your spouse to take classes FOR CREDIT! Now, THAT is amazing. Your spouse is a real student, with real coursework, receiving a real grade, that will result in a real degree. Can you imagine that, two degrees for the price of one!!!

Now, one challenge is that most of us can’t have both spouses attending seminary full time. So, how can you both get your degrees? Well, an admissions officer I spoke with recommended that one of you go full time halfway through the program, while the other goes part time. Then, when you hit the midway point of the program, switch. Your spouse goes full time, and you go part. The program takes longer, but again, 2 for 1 is worth it if you ask me.

So, as your looking at seminaries, be sure to ask the admissions officer what kind of opportunities there are for your spouse. You might be pleasantly surprised.