A Dizzy, Drained, and Delighted Seminary Student

So, I haven’t written a personal post in a while, so I thought I’d catch you up to speed.

HOWEVER, before I do, I have to express my amazement at the underwhelming response to the iPod giveaway. I thought for sure that we’d get a great response from the sweet prize list. At this rate, if you were to scribble goingtoseminary.com on a piece of paper and tape it on a classroom door in order to be in the top 3… snap a picture with your phone and you’ll have a commanding lead over everyone (for 37 seconds of effort). So, whatever, it is an easy win at this point.

So, yeah… I’ve been dizzy for the past several days. My head feels like it is full of water and every time I stand up I feel like I’m going to fall down. It’s been pretty crazy (though it has been a lot better today). In evaluating the situation I’m sure that it is a combination of diet, sleep, and stress. I’m doing my best to keep them all in check, but that isn’t always possible.

The reality is that I’m pretty drained. I’ve been up till at least midnight for the past several weeks and getting up between 5 and 7 in the morning. The kicker is that I don’t stop “doing” then entire time I’m awake. It is either school, reading, studying, family time, serving the church, or work. I can’t really remember the last time I just sat and relaxed for more than 20 minutes. So, it has been pretty draining.

Now, despite the fact that I’m dizzy and drained… I’m delighted. I’m delighted because God’s grace is sufficient. I look at my situation and I am so thankful that I have an amazing church that I can serve in. I go to an amazing school with amazing professors and I get to read amazing books. I have a job that pays great and allows me to work whenever it fits my schedule. I have new clients and projects coming from seemingly nowhere. I’ve made enough money on this blog to buy someone an iPod. And last, most certainly not least, I have a family that is supporting me 100% and on most days I get to see them way more than I did working my 9-5 the past 6 months.

Another thing that I just realized is that I kind of like it when I’m worn out.  I think it is in times like this that I am more aware of my need for God.  Surely, without his grace I would have no hope and be crushed.  Yet, I am strangely comforted by my weakness… knowing that it is his strength that sustains me.

I might be dizzy and I might be drained… but I am so delighted that God would not only allow me the chance to do it all, but that he would sustain me in it all.

Press on friends… press on.

Finding the Will of God

Trying to decided if God is calling you to seminary or not can be difficult. While you could give the magic eight ball a try, there is probably a better way to determine what God is calling you to do.

For me, I found Finding the Will of God by Dr. Bruce Waltke to be tremendously helpful. While I already knew a lot of what Dr. Waltke had to say, it was refreshing to be reminded that I was on the right track as I sought to discern God’s will.

In the book Waltke reminds us that God is not some conman trying to hide his will from us… Rather, God is our loving father and his will is probably easier to discern than we sometimes think.

Waltke spends the first 1/4 of the book bringing correction to what he calls “Christian divination” that appears to be nothing more than what every pagan does when trying to conjure the will of the gods.

After his professorial/pastoral rebuke, Waltke offers biblical council on how we can rest assured that we are hearing and following our glorious and loving father.

Incredibly practical and biblically based, I often recommend this book to friends and family who are struggling to make big decisions.

My Journey - What is going on?

Ok friends, not giving any advice in this post… Just thinking out loud here…

So, if you know about me then you know I am not currently attending seminary. I’ve been taking seminary classes virtually and was planning on transferring to a residential campus at the start of 2008. Through a series of events that I have not had time to share yet (though it is on my “to be posted” list) my wife and I decided to move forward with the decision to quit my job, move to far away, and attend seminary. It was a decision based on much prayer and through much council. Through the whole process it appeared that God’s hand was working things in such a way that it was going to work… now, here we are, about a month away from when we need to move and we haven’t sold our house. This is the final piece to the puzzle. It is also the make or break of the whole deal. No house sell, no move, no seminary… do not pass go, do not collect $200.

So, I sit here today… wondering. Did I miss something? Lord, what are you doing? I know you aren’t a con-man trying to hide your will from me… but I just don’t understand.

Thankfully, I am not crushed by the situation… it isn’t like I’m freaking out. I’m not questioning God’s plans and purposes… But I’m just confused. Everything seemed to be right, and now this.

So, I’m not sure what to do. We figure that we have about another week before we miss our window of opportunity for this upcoming semester (the one we have already registered for). After that, I’m not sure what happens… Do we put off seminary for another 6 months? Continue to live in this state of limbo? Do we throw in the towel and just keep trying to do virtual classes?

I don’t know… no answers here.

You have any answers? Anyone want to buy our house?

In the beginning - My Seminary Journey

So, as part of this blog I’ll be chronicling my journey to and in seminary. So, to catch you up to speed we need to go back… way back…

I’d say it was in middle school (about 18 years ago) that I first felt a “call” to ministry. I remember sitting in a youth group meeting, listening to one of the pastors preach and I thought, “I think I’d like to do that when I grow up.” Now, I’m sure that isn’t a common thought amongst lots of 12 year olds… but, none the less, there was something there inside me, drawing me.

Well, between then and my sophomore year in college my life didn’t really follow a path that would lead one to become a pastor. I lived a life that was pretty self serving in those years. I still had a seed of faith in my heart… but being a pastor was certainly not in the forefront of my mind.

Then, through some very divine circumstances God, in his mercy and grace, captured my attentions and affections as a sophomore in college. One night, at a party, with a bud light in hand I said a quite prayer of total surrender to God that went something like, “God, if you’re real and the Bible is true, then you have a plan for me and I want to live it with every fiber of my being.”

It was shortly after this that the seed planted in my heart all those years earlier began to be watered and grow. I began to realize that there was little else I truly wanted to do in this life than be a pastor (take that in a very broad sense please… being a pastor has lots of forms, not just the one guy who talks on Sunday mornings… but I’m sure you know that.)

Anyway, I began to take steps in that direction by becoming really involved in a campus ministry based out of my local church. Several fast and strange years later I found myself as the campus minster for said church and campus ministry. As a young, twenty something, in full time vocation ministry I thought I knew everything… I soon realized I knew nothing. It was during this time that seminary first started to become interesting to me. I began to realize that I have a lot to learn and my local church might not have all the depth of training I might need to be and do all I felt called to be and do. So, for the first time, I began to look intently at seminary.

So, that is how it began. In upcoming posts I’ll explain how I started to look at seminaries and how I ended up being a virtual student and, eventually, we’ll catch up to present day and where I am now in the journey.

Anyone else know early in life that this is the direction you were going? When did you first sense a call to vocational ministry?

Finding the Will of God

So, one of the books that helped me the most in finally making the decision to attend seminary was Bruce K. Waltke’s book, Finding the Will of God: A Pagan Notion? In his book Waltke masterfully addresses an issue that is all too common in the church, namely divination.

Somewhere along the lines we have come to the conclusion that God is some con-man trying to pull a slide-of-hand trick with us and keeping his will from us. So, with that in mind we try all kinds of cooky ways to try and find out what God’s will is (anyone else played bible roulette before?).

Waltke points out that what most Christians try to pass off as “finding God’s will” is really nothing different from pagan divination. To remedy the situation Waltke offers (the last half of the book) practical suggestions on how a believer can “know God’s will.”

Now, I’m not typically the kind of guy who like “step” books… 12 steps to a better prayer life, 101 ways to evangelize the lost… But Waltke’s recommendations are so simple, practical, and pastoral, that I couldn’t help myself from saying, “Duh… I knew that… maybe I should remember that next time.”

Now, pretty much, if I know someone who is trying to make a big life changing decission, I recommend this book… So, to you trying to decide if God is calling you to seminary… check it out.